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THOUSANDS THRONG TO PRICE'S TOMB
"He is not dead but sleeping" vow cultists.
By ANNABEL LEE, Dept. of Corman Studies, Ranelagh Free University.
Up to several thousand devotees have gathered at the tomb of the Prime Minister of Sinister, Vincent Price, seemingly undeterred by the hazards involved in travelling to Mars. Rooms at the Usher 2 Motel have been double-booked out since belief became widespread that the Archduke of Spook will rise from his grave to see in the new millenium with a charmingly chilling bon-mots and a word or two from Poe.
With two months still to go, strange things do seem to be happening in the Great Dark Places, leading many previously sceptical millenium specialists to conclude that the Merchant of Menace may indeed be at work.
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"It's all very friendly though", says Vulnavia Phibes the woman who found the word 'nevermore' carved on a fried egg. The Great Vincent's dear friend Ciristopher Lee had this to say: "I'll say nothing. But has anyone else noticed that King Kong is missing from his sarcophagus in Arkham Cathedral? The monsters are coming back, children. And they love us".
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THE WEATHER
Masonic Hail to continue
Bricks were still falling from low orbits yesterday teatime and look set to continue their shenanigans for some days to come. Don't wear anything gIass, readers are advised.
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QUITE SAFE TO BOARD TRAINS
'We know where most of them go", says C.I.E.
By MONTAGUE SUMMERS, Necrophagy correspondent.
There were more doubts expressed today as to the safety of passengers on the new Dublin to Galway underground metropolitan railway. Three pensioners whose destinaton was said to be Loughrea had to be destroyed after an outbreak of neck-biting in Athlone Garda station.
"It's nothing to do with the fact that the line goes underneath that old graveyard on the Ruthven Estate in Kildare", a spokesman said today. "It's a nasty old spot, full of dead trees and inexplicable animals", he added. "But we didn't do anything, okay?"
This latest controversy comes scant days after another train on the same line was found to be
not a train at all but a decommissioned Russian nuclear submarine.
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